Planning a Wedding During Sadness or Tragedy

When Sad Things Happen During Good Times

Most people agree that planning a wedding can be stressful even during the best of circumstances.  We know that the world continues to turn even though you might be in the middle of planning a wedding and sometimes that includes events that happen in life that are very happy events, painfully sad or extremely frightening.

For years as a Wedding Planner I had a chance to see a large mixture of what life can hand down even at any time  when someone is planning a wedding.   These are things that most couples don't have to worry about, but life is a balance and gives us good and bad, happy and sad mixed up like trail mix.  Life is a path.   It's just the way life is and if a person can see the good that is always happening in some form or another, it helps tremendously.  

I admired the individuals so much for their strength who go through two of life's major events at once.  Sometimes I saw people move up a wedding just so a loved one who was in the process of dying could experience their wedding.  I also saw when, even with a rushed plan in place, it wasn't fast enough to make that final wish come true.  I saw bittersweet moments as a couple sped up a wedding before a deployment.  I couldn't help but feel that emotion and would often think of those who were deployed for the next year or so and hoped I would hear good news.  Another family experienced a birth and a death within less than a week before the wedding.  I've even had weddings I worked and found out that they had already had a small wedding so that their loved who had since passed away, could witness the wedding.

"We just don't talk about it....but we probably should".

Seldom does anyone talk about the normal emotions that are experienced during the wedding planning process, let alone when a death or other tragedy strikes during this time.  Even under normal circumstances, I've attributed the odd behavior of otherwise normal people to the fact that people are grieving even when there isn't any death around the time of a wedding.  Grieving is a process that just is an adjustment to major changes. It is often filled up with fear of the unknown.  We never know what a person is going through from a loss even when the loss might appear to be minimal to others.

Things you might feel when an accident, disease or death happens before the wedding to a friend or family member you are close to.

1.  Feeling guilty to be planning something that is happy.

2.  Feeling unsettled in being happy and sad at the same time.

3.  Feeling angry.

4.  Feeling totally confused on what to do, how to act, or whether you should postpone the wedding.

5.  Feeling of overwhelm.

6.  Feeling of appreciation for your spouse-to-be who is showing and giving you support.

7.  Feeling that your future spouse just doesn't understand what you are going through.

8.  Getting a new perspective on life that is putting you into serious analysis mode.

9.  A feeling of strength gained from a challenge unlike any you have experienced before.

10.  A feeling of wanting to pay respect to your lost or missing loved one at your wedding.

How can you blend a remembrance with a wedding?

Every individual experiences grief in their own way.  As much as your loved one would have wanted you to be very happy on your wedding day, there are bound to be some bittersweet moments.  It would be assumed that a wedding should not be a second memorial service, but it's perfectly understandable if a tribute is made in a loving manner.  It might be a matter of placing a rose on an empty chair.  Perhaps carrying a flower or flowers that represent your loved one's who are no longer living can feel like they are close to your heart on your wedding day.  I've seen grooms do something similar with their boutonieres.  I've also seen people place pictures of their ancestors in little picture frames on the cake table.  There are many ways to incorporate remembering a loved on your very important day.

Tears and laughter can be almost the same emotion sometimes.  It's your body's way of getting you through the good and the bad stress.  Indeed, there are happy stresses and sad stresses.

Don't hesitate to get your wedding officiant's advice on these matters and see how you can actually turn the negatives into something beautiful and meaningful for you. 

Wishing you the greatest of days!

Wedding Etiquette Has Changed

Wedding Etiquette Has Changed

Wedding etiquette does change over time, and some of it needs to come back as a reminder.  

What Shall I Wear?

Every now and then I'll have someone say that they were surprised when they went to a wedding and a lot of the guests and even the bridal party were wearing black! It's very common for black to be one of the major wedding colors.  My first question to them is was there a particular cultural aspect to the wedding.  While black attire is bad for some cultures, white attire is taboo in other cultures regarding weddings. Also, when the economy is bad, bridesmaid dresses are shorter and wedding colors are darker during times of war.  

For most American weddings it is acceptable to wear black and is considered to have a very sophisticated look.  People attending an average American wedding would be more appalled if someone wore white.  My best advice before you attend any wedding when there is a culture represented that you aren't familiar with, is to do your homework.  I'm sure your friend or family member won't mind if you take enough interest to ask them specifically what you should wear.  I could have a year's worth of blog posts just on wedding traditions from different cultures.  When you think that you might have that figured out, you will also find that couples are borrowing aspects from all kinds of cultures.  Just be glad you don't live in an unmentioned Mediterranean country where the groom has to walk around with a fish tied to his leg for an entire day before the wedding. People have actually asked me if the fish has to be dead.  Yes, fish need water and the groom isn't walking around in water.

Registries Have Changed!

Some people are appalled that a couple actually had the nerve to have a honeymoon registry.  There are some very good reasons for having a honeymoon registry.  The average ages for a couple to get married now are 27 and 29.  They are delaying marriage for a number of reasons and many times it is because of financial reasons. Many of them have had college debt, have chosen first to buy a home together or they have had other things they wanted to accomplish before getting married.  In the meantime, they have acquired enough or more of the household items that they need.  However, they probably haven't put their focus on saving for a honeymoon. With honeymoon registries, guests can purchase as a gift to go towards anything from tours, dinners, local highlights or a luxurious spa and even upgrades.  We live in an experience economy which is particularly popular with millennials.

Etiquette for the 21st Century That Needs to Change or Is Changing!

If you haven't heard of unplugged weddings, you will and it can't come soon enough! We live daily with cell phones or tablets and most of them can take pictures.  This is the reason why  photographers love me.  When I officiate weddings, (with a couple's permission) the first announcement I make before a groom even walks down the aisle is an announcement to this effect.  

"On behalf of the ___ and ___  I am asking that you turn off all electronic devices in the form of cameras or cell phones.  ___ and ___ have paid for a professional photographer to take pictures during their ceremony and other cameras in use interfere with their lighting.  It also creates a safety concern if the doesn't know if everyone is seated or not.  Electronic devices also interfere with the sound system. Thank you for your consideration!"

Let's get real here!  A photographer was not hired to photograph someone's backside, flabby arms, tablet or the latest selfie stick!  Some things just can't be edited out! It's a shame for perfect shots to get ruined by someone else's self-absorbed behavior.  

Rsvp's...

That's all I'm going to say about them.  I've written several blog posts on that hot little topic.  I tell my clients about the service I offer to get people to turn in their Rsvp's with a better rate of return and much more quickly.  That's my trade secret and no one gets hurt in the process, by the way.

Wishing you the greatest of days!

Janis Flagg

Greatest of Days

Event Planning

Wedding Officiating

Don't Think You Need a Wedding Rehearsal? Think again!

If You Think You Don't Need a Rehearsal, Think again!

First, here are some definitions for you and terms of reference.  Also, Bride and Groom are interchangeable with the word couple.  

The Processional is the part of the wedding when typically the officiant, the groom, all of the attendants including the ring bearer and flowergirl proceed to the ceremony or altar area followed by the bride with whomever is giving her away.

The Recessional is the part just after the couple is introduced to the "audience" when the couple first leaves the stage/ceremony area/altar followed by the bridal party and family.

Here are some benefits and recommendations regarding rehearsals:

Rehearsal Benefits (processional and recessional)

1.  It helps calm everyone's nerves feeling that they have a good idea of what will happen leading up to, during and immediately after the ceremony on your wedding day.

2.  On your wedding day, the fewer questions you have to answer the better.  You don't want everyone bombarding you on your wedding day.

3.  It will give you an idea of timing your processional to the music.  Even though a DJ often cannot attend a rehearsal due to possibly having multiple weddings on a weekend, you need to discuss options for timing of your processional.  Your DJ might want to preview the venue with you months or weeks in advance of the wedding, if they haven't worked at your venue.  Timing can be effected with  the length of the aisle and the number of people (alone or in pairs)   walking up to the ceremony area.  

4.  It's not uncommon for people in your wedding party to be complete strangers to each other.  They get a chance to at least recognize each other's  faces on the wedding day.

5.  Practicing the recessional is important, too.  As a rule of thumb, I recommend that following the ceremony (after being pronounced to their new status and after they are introduced to everyone) that the newly married couple gets to walk the full length of the aisle before the rest of the bridal party.  This allows every opportunity for them to be photographed at the first moments of them walking down the aisle with their first steps or happy dance as a married couple.  Next to go down the aisle would be the Maid of Honor and Bestman who would walk halfway down the aisle before the next pair of the bridal party begins walking.  

6.  If you have any major announcements, the most important people in your wedding are there.  They can be your ambassadors to spread necessary information to others on your actual wedding day.

Recommendations:

1.  Make sure you are evenly spaced at the ceremony area.  I sometimes start the rehearsal with everyone at the ceremony area first.

2.  To make the pictures look nice, it should be predetermined that the guys have their hands placed in front of them or behind their backs.

3.  Anyone carrying bouquets should place them (in simple terms) at their belly button!  The exception would be if the bridesmaids were cradling a larger single, long-stemmed flower to the inside of their elbow instead of a bouquet.  (in the crook of their arm but still, they should look uniform during the ceremony).

4.  It looks nicer if everyone stands to form a slight arc and not look like little tin soldiers.  If everyone takes a half step sideways towards the "audience" and slightly angles to be looking at the officiant and couple, it looks good but it also is important to be able to see subtle clues from the officiant during the ceremony.  It sometimes helps to line up on the stage or ceremony area so that attendants can have eye contact with their counterparts.  For example, the Best Man and Maid of Honor would be able to have eye contact and the same with everyone else down the two lines.

5.  If for some reason one of your attendants, is unable to attend the rehearsal, make sure that the person that they will be walking with them is introduced to them on the wedding day.  Preferably they are introduced in advance of pictures that are often taken prior to the ceremony.  Whoever was able to be at the rehearsal should fill that person or persons in on what is going to take place during the processional, how everyone is going to be standing during the ceremony and the same with the recessional.

6.  It's not a bad idea to ask people to not treat the night before your big day like it's a bachelor or bachelorette party.  What they drink that evening directly influences the wedding the next day.  Nothing wastes the rehearsal or mars a wedding more than one or more of the wedding party getting drunk.  It's time for everyone to at least pretend to be mature and respectful but still have fun.  

Order of a processional for a traditional modern American ceremony.  It can vary from one religion to another, be customized or adapted depending on the venue layout.  Nothing is written in stone anymore for most weddings, but it's nice to have some guidelines.  Neither the order of seating nor the recessional is shown in the diagram.

Wishing you the greatest of days!

Planning Events with Less Stress: Pulling the Plug on Plugged Wedding Ceremonies

Planning Events with Less Stress: Pulling the Plug on Plugged Wedding Ceremonies: Pulling the Plug on Plugged Wedding Ceremonies! Okay, here we have it.   There are two big reasons why people are choosing unplugged w...

Pulling the Plug on Plugged Wedding Ceremonies

Pulling the Plug on Plugged Wedding Ceremonies!

Okay, here we have it.   There are two big reasons why people are choosing unplugged weddings.  In case you don't know what an unplugged wedding is, it is when no electronic devices are allowed other than for those who have been hired or chosen to take pictures or operate the sound system.  

~~Number 1~~

I officiate weddings.  When one wedding photographer asked me before a wedding if the wedding was going to be unplugged, I said, "I always talk about that with my couples and I've had no one refuse my suggestion to have an unplugged wedding!  That's the first announcement I make before anyone walks down the aisle".  That particular photographer looked over to the other photographer and said, "We love her, don't we!"

When guests are taking pictures it interferes with the photographer's lighting.  They want to do the very best job possible and then someone comes out of the woodwork and snaps a picture.  So much for setting up that perfect shot!  At a wedding, there are some moments you just cannot recapture!  Professional photographers will give you a link to pictures that your guests can download.  As you'll see below it's also very dangerous to get in the way of a photographer..for the guest and the photographer.

~~Number 2~~

The second reason is that the cameras, cell phones and what have you, interfere with with the sound system.  I don't pretend to know all of the technical reasons for that, but it's been confirmed by many professional DJ's.  I'm happy to not have the sound messed up when I'm officiating a wedding!

Enjoy the other reasons to have an unplugged wedding!

Wishing you the greatest of days!

STOP, Before You Choose Someone to Officiate Your Wedding!

Here are some important things to consider before you have a friend or family member perform your wedding ceremony.

Planning Weddings and Events with Less Stress: RSVP! If Only People Would Pretend to Know What it...

Planning Weddings and Events with Less Stress: RSVP! If Only People Would Pretend to Know What it...: Do You Know What R. S. V. P. Means? I probably wouldn't lose too much money if I bet that one of the most frustrating things that a...

RSVP! If Only People Would Pretend to Know What it Means!

Do You Know What R. S. V. P. Means?

I probably wouldn't lose too much money if I bet that one of the most frustrating things that anyone hosting an event experiences, it would be trying to wrangle in the RSVP's.  

So this one is for you if you:

1.  Have ever had to hassle with this dilemma, 

2.  Don't want to admit that you didn't know what it means.

Maybe this will help.  As for the reasons why sending in an RSVP is so important, here's a short recap.  The number of people dictates the costs of an event.  By not sending in a timely RSVP, you are making the math extremely difficult for the items listed below.  For rentals, it is a nasty budget killer whether it was money spent and gone to waste or having to make last minute adjustments from late RSVP's.  Here goes!

Tables, chairs, food, serving utensils, sternos, chafing dishes, linens, decorations, space, favors, dessert, plates, glasses, cups, saucers, bowls,  cutlery, etc.

I can't speak French, so I'll just say it means:  Reasons you Should Verify Your Presence.  That might be only partially correct, but it might get a few more people to send in their RSVP's!

Now, go send in an RSVP for something you're invited to!  Consider it almost like a gift!  It's sad, but true.

"I don't have stamps isn't an excuse"...they still make them.

Wishing you the greatest of days!

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Planning Weddings and Events with Less Stress: Don't Think You Need a Wedding Rehearsal? Think ag...

Planning Weddings and Events with Less Stress: Don't Think You Need a Wedding Rehearsal? Think ag...: If You Think You Don't Need a Rehearsal, Think again! First, here are some definitions for you and terms of reference.  Also, Bride an...

Planning a Wedding is a Time and Money Balancing Act

Balancing Money and Time to Plan Your Wedding

1.  Truth #1.

The reason why weddings seem so expensive is because there are so many moving parts and elements that need to be put together.  They all cost money.

We all excel at different things and absolutely can't stand other types of chores, jobs, duties, etc.  The same goes for planning a wedding.  Why spend your valuable time on something you hate.  I know that with the DIY craze, it would be easy to fall into that trap that gets bigger and bigger.  The trap that comes from saying, "I can do that myself!"  Yes, maybe you can, but do you love doing it?  If not you're likely to add unnecessary stress.  

2.  Rephrase your stress points.

If you catch yourself saying, "I need to do this" or "I need to do that", rephrase it to "it would be preferable if I did this or that".  Surprisingly, it lowers the priority a little or even makes you think it's not necessary to do the "this or that" at all.

3.  It's okay to let go!

I've read somewhere that the average (usually a bride) spends the equivalent of 7-1/2 weeks of 40-hour work weeks planning a wedding.  That is a lot of time and energy.  It takes some of us longer than others to realize that it's okay to hire some things out and realize we can't possibly come close to being as talented as the professionals in all of the categories we need.

4.  Time Management and Planning.

The things that couples don't realize when they are planning a wedding is that a lot of the DIY projects take place very close to the wedding.  Especially the flowers, making your own cake, etc!  Regarding the flowers, it doesn't matter whether they are of the "wear and carry" or "decor" categories..they take up time when you least have it.  That's not even including the tasks that people procrastinate on, constant interruptions and all the mini celebrations that are taking place at that time.  

5.  You only get married once.  Ideally!

If it's difficult for you to think about hiring tasks out, think again.  You wouldn't expect to be able to put braces on your teeth by yourself.  We hope we only get married once so you shouldn't have to justify handing out some headaches.

6.  Invest where it counts.  Determine your "dreads!" 

You can hire people to do everything from addressing your invitations, keeping track of RSVP's, cleaning up after the wedding, childcare on site at your wedding, theft protection with coat-check companies who will guard your gifts and your guests' possessions.

My biggest suggestion would be to hire a "Day-of Coordinator".  (there really is no such thing which is to your advantage).  A "Day-of Coordinator" actually does most of what a Wedding Planner does except find vendors for you.  You will want to look for one who will contact all of your vendors, verify your contracts to see if your plan actually matches what is in the contract, will tour your venue, conduct a rehearsal (might cost extra) and do their best to inhibit behavior from anyone that could risk you not getting your deposit back.  They will create a realistic timeline so that they day flows smoothly since they know the wedding industry and what the vendors need to do a good job for you.

Wishing you the greatest of days!

Check out our other programs for couples planning a wedding or needing wedding officiating, individuals planning events and businesses who want to market through hosting events.

Bridezillas and Their Replicas! Beware!

Planning Weddings and Events with Less Stress: Bridezillas and Their Replicas! Beware!: Bridezillas and Their Replicas,  Beware! Yes!  You think weddings are expensive?  Well, Zillas of all types, you have inadvertently or ...

Bridezillas and Their Replicas! Beware!

Bridezillas and Their Replicas,  Beware!

Yes!  You think weddings are expensive?  Well, Zillas of all types, you have inadvertently or not, contributed to this for two primary reasons.  Wedding vendors are seldom wealthy and have a lot of hidden costs, so putting up with bad behavior just makes whatever profit they have made not worth the trouble.  So they either quit or raise prices.  Supply and demand effects any industry.

Unless you've been around the wedding industry a lot, you would not know how many vendors, who can provide their services to other types of clientele say, "I don't do weddings anymore!"  This can range from planners, florists, photographers, caterers and so forth.  They usually say that there's just too much drama, clients who think that they should get everything for nothing, and engaged couples and their families are getting ruder and sometimes violent when they are just trying to do their job.  I've seen it all myself!  Couples will also come up with the craziest excuses to not pay for services. If they heard that message from their own bosses, they certainly wouldn't appreciate it, but it's okay in many couple's minds to do just that.  People outside of the industry are generally surprised to hear what we put up with in the wedding industry.

Bridezillas, if you think about how you like to be treated at work by customers or co-workers, then imagine how people feel when they are doing their best to make a wedding the best possible.  However, if you have not communicated as your vendors have requested, make frequent changes, fail to relay important information or especially make last minute changes, you are asking for something to go wrong.  It's that way with everything in life.  If a bride tries blaming everyone else,  whether it be friends, family or vendors, that sets the tension to a higher level for the whole day.  If a bride rolls with the punches and is half-way gracious, the atmosphere is completely different. Everyone picks up on that energy whether it be positive or negative.  

What seems to have caused the bride/guest zillas problem?  They show inexcusable bad behavior ranging from words to temper tantrums towards family, friends or anyone who is involved with the wedding.  What has made this behavior seem acceptable in many people's eyes?  

The problem is big enough to come up at industry and networking meetings.  The question that's asked is, "What do we do with all of this bridezilla behavior and even their friends and families?"  The general conclusion is that about all they can do to tolerate it is to raise prices.  

I would attribute the bridezilla or other zilla behavior to several factors, and I know that other vendors share my opinion on this.  

1.  It probably starts with what is taught as acceptable behavior when dealing with people in general from the time they were young.    

2.  Many people of the generation that are getting married now, were in general given whatever they wanted.  Perhaps they have been dreaming of their wedding day for years.  That's nothing new, but more recently it's been with a different mindset of entitlement.  I've heard of brides saying, "But it's my wedding!"  So vendors are supposed to just hand out their services like candy on Halloween?

3.  The media with all the "reality" shows paints a dream wedding that few people can afford, but having been used to getting what they want, they can't accept that the same can't be theirs.  The "reality" shows thrive on drama, but that does nothing to help a real wedding go smoothly where everyone can still be friends at the end of the day.

4.  The media, especially the one that is named after "perfect vision" (in the form of numbers) broadcasts sensationalized shows that paint the industry with a broad brush that does not come close to matching what I've seen of hundreds of vendors.  They spend most of those shows comparing apples to oranges.  If their purpose is to educate the public, they are actually doing a disservice to the public by misrepresenting the industry.  Other shows piggyback off of those shows and perpetuate the myth.

Let's not forget the wonderful clients who we would gladly adopt as family.  The ones who appreciate our efforts and treat us as professionals.  I've had more of them than the bridezilla variety.  Those clients have usually not had the easiest lives and are far from anything like a spoiled brat.  They couldn't be more opposite than that.  Like anything else, it's the few bad apples that can ruin the whole batch.  You might have even heard teachers say that they remember the really nice students and the ones who were just the opposite.  The same principle could apply to weddings.

Wishing you the greatest of days!

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If You Are the Second Daughter to Get Married, You're Lucky!

If you are the second daughter to get married in a family, to a certain extent, you will benefit from all the lessons learned from the first wedding.  The rude awakening is that no two weddings are alike.  With sisters, often their weddings are polar opposites.  I understand perfectly why that is.  I have a sister!

I've noticed something about people who hire wedding planners.  What would that be? At some point in the initial consultation with a parent, they will say, "This time.....!" That is usually followed by we are not going to be having a stressful day and do everything ourselves.

I had one mother say all she wanted to do was to shop for a dress that she liked, and the next thing would be to sit down at the wedding!  That's pretty much what happened. The bride and groom were reluctant to hire a wedding planner and then she said, "Then it's going to be your wedding gift!"  They thought that she should save that money for something else for the wedding.  Within a month of being hired, they said it was the best decision they made!  That same couple along with their father mentioned me during the toasts, thanked me and said that they never could have had their wedding without me. Her father recommended that other people with upcoming weddings use my services.  I was so thrilled and taken aback.  I was also very tired!  It was an outdoor wedding on a very hot August day!  

I will never forget that moment, and it has kept me sane through the "not so pleasant" bridezilla types--which I won't even take on or keep as clients anymore.  They are out the door!

Cherish the good memories, right?

Wishing you the greatest of days!

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Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Day and Valentine's Day Are...

It's Valentine's Day 2015 and romance is in the air.  More people get engaged from Thanksgiving through Valentine's Day than any other time of the year.  These days are often associated with a gathering of friends and family or as with Valentine's Day a day of special attention paid to the love of someone's life.  Have you ever wondered why so many wedding shows take place from January through March?  Well, that's the reason!

One thing that I would warn people about getting married on Valentine's Day, is that you can expect to pay through your teeth for roses on your Valentine's Day wedding.  I just saw something on the news about tulips replacing roses as a favorite flower for Valentine's Day.  That's a very good decision since they are in-season around Valentine's Day.

Wishing you the Greatest of Days!

15 Ways Couples Can Help Wedding Vendors Provide Their Best Service

15 Ways Couples Can Help Wedding Vendors Provide Their Best Service

Every vendor really wants to do the best job possible for your wedding. What can a bride/groom do to insure that they are able to do exactly that? Here are some general suggestions that go across most if not all vendor lines. 

This might be the only place you will hear this!

1.  Communicate with your vendor in a timely manner during the planning process.   If they reach out to you, they probably need information from you to proceed. 

2.  If your vendors don't reach you as quickly as you might like, they are probably in a meeting or working an event. Remember that they will show you the same courtesy when you are having a consultation with them or they are at your wedding.

3.  Ask if they have a questionnaire to complete before the consultation.  If so, have it done before your appointment.  If you can email it to them even earlier, all the better.

4.  Don't be afraid to ask a lot of questions at a consultation.  

5.  Keep your vendors informed of any major problems/questions that have come up as soon as you can.

6.  Notify the appropriate vendors of any changes after you have considered the change carefully.  Limiting the number of changes, especially closer to the wedding will make things flow more smoothly. Changing your mind often will increase everyone's chance of confusion and possibly result in things not being as you wanted for your wedding.  Emailing is the best way because it creates a record that can be referred to or transferred to notes in a file created for you.  It never hurts to double-check.

7.  Try to keep your questions relevant to what a vendor actually does for a wedding.  They want to help you, but their time is better spent in their area of expertise.  When they suggest that you need a coordinator, they are trying to save you valuable time and money as well as for themselves.

8.  Try to keep all of your appointments and give at least 24 hours notice if possible.  You should text, email or call or a combination of any of these.  Depending on where your vendor is and what they are doing, their access to any of these might vary.

9.  Have some idea of what you want your wedding to be like.  When asked what you envision for your wedding, as much as possible avoid responses such as:

A.  "We don't really care".

B.  "My Mom (or whomever) is taking care of all of that".  Come prepared with details of what is being done.

C.  "We don't think that anyone will cause problems at our wedding".  (You really have no way of knowing how people are going to react on such an emotionally-charged day added to alcohol).

D.  "We haven't really thought of a budget".  A vendor will be wondering if you are even able to pay them and won't have as good of an idea of what you want for your wedding. 

E.   "We're just shopping for prices."  This is okay on some level because sometimes that is the only starting point or ice breaker you have!   If you're speaking with a professional vendor, be honest with yourself.  If a particular type of vendor is really important to you and you know that they are integral to your wedding day and future memories, you want a quality product.  The lowest prices are often the costliest decisions.  Set what you feel are priorities for your wedding. You might not know it, but some professionals take offense at this "price shopping" response, because they feel that you have not taken the time to check out their quality of work which they generally take a lot of pride in versus a non-professional who probably doesn't have a portfolio, testimonials or nearly the experience.  They could wonder how serious you really are about that particular aspect of your wedding.  

   

10.  Assumptions you should never make:

 A.  Your friends will help you set up and clean up.

 B.  Your bridal party and guests will show up on time.  Do what you can to encourage people to be on time.  (The opposite can be a problem, too)  If people show up too early, they might want to help and that can actually hinder vendors trying to do their job.

        

11.   Remember that your vendors working at your wedding are people!  They will probably be working many hours and to do their best they will need a chance to eat.  No fainting vendors!  You can arrange to provide a plate, or a trip through the buffet line after your guests have been served or have gone though a buffet line.  Offer them a little bit of privacy as they won't want to be seen eating in front of the guests if possible and they may only have a few short minutes to eat.

12.  Ask if a vendor needs a tablecloth and order them tablecloths that go all the way down to the floor.  They will need to hide a number of things that are unsightly or just don't want everything in plain sight.

13.  Tell a few key people who will be at your wedding what some of the venue rules are.  This is especially true for those things that might prevent you from getting your deposit back.

14.  Don't expect a vendor to wait for payments.  Sometimes brides have an attitude of  "..but it's my wedding day!"  To this type of bride, I would say, think of it this way.  You expect a paycheck for your work and wouldn't appreciate it if your boss said, "I'm not paying you today because it is my birthday!"  (A little tongue in cheek there)

15.  Last but not least, don't procrastinate to hire a vendor.  Remember that most wedding vendors do the majority of their work in a 3-4 month period of time.  This also can set limitations on the number of vendors available for whatever service you need.

Wishing you the Greatest of Days!

Make it Easier for Guests to Find Their Place Cards

Place Card Distribution Table

Have you ever been to a wedding and when it is time to transition to the reception, you have to get in a huge line to find your name and then find your seat?

Here are some tips to make this process go more smoothly.

1.  Have signage behind or above the table that shows how you have the place cards organized.  *Whether you choose to alphabetize them by first or last name, you'll find that you'll have a lot more of one letter due to many family members attending.  Just play with the adjustment to reflect your specific guest list.  Preferably, divide the table into 4 segments.  It usually works very well to make your divisions relatively equal if you group the place cards by A-E, F-L, M-R and S-Z.

2.  Show the divisions between the sections of the alphabet.   On a table, you could even use rose petals to show where different letters begin.  The diagram below represents a ribbon or garland creating the divisions between the alphabetical groupings.

3.  Don't just put up the alphabetical divisions on a sign.  *Make it extremely clear by signage that the names are organized alphabetically by  first names or last names whichever you have chosen. The whole purpose is to make it easier to navigate quickly from the place card table to their assigned table and/or seat.

4.  You can use a round or rectangular table.  Some venues have large bulletin boards on the walls which are perfect if they are big enough to see from a distance and in a convenient location to the reception dining area.  You can make the alphabetical category signs large which are helpful to guests as they are standing in line.  Hopefully the lines will be shorter if they can quickly identify where their place card is.

5.  Below is just one example of how you could design a round table for place cards.  Please excuse the quality of the design due to time constraints.   You can get creative on the signage which should be elevated.  In this case the design calls for a centerpiece.  More people can navigate around a round table.

Wishing you the greatest of days!

Greatest of Days

Wedding/Event Planning and Design

Non-Denominational Wedding Officiating

As of January 2015 we will have a series of podcasts available on 52 different topics to help couples plan their wedding.  Be on the look out for "We're Engaged! Now What?"   We will be developing not only a series of podcasts but also webinars, tele-seminars, videos and live workshops.  We are using all of these methods because people learn in different ways!  Some people learn visually, by listening or having a hands-on workshop.  We will be developing at a later date private coaching programs.   Look up our special Facebook page "We're Engaged! Now What?" 

One Thing You Must Never Do at Your Wedding!

Again, never!

There's one thing that many people do at a wedding that can lead to stress, heartache, feeling helpless and fearful of identity theft.   The saddest part is that it is totally preventable.

Do not ever have your table for gifts and cards that you receive by any door that can be accessed by the public.    Even worse is just outside the door in a hallway!  The same goes for your guests' belongings.  I know it's so convenient for guests to sign the guest book and drop of their gifts or cards at one place near the entrance.  The same would apply to guests' coats and their belongings.

There is a solution.  I want you to check out a company called Coat Check Complete and see if there is a similar service in your area.  Please don't rely on your friends to take on this task of the gifts and card management or the guests' belongings.  They might have the best of intentions, but they will sooner or later get distracted because they are your friend and their heart is where the action is at your wedding.  You can't blame them for getting caught up in things and without them even being aware of it, walking off for a few minutes or more.

At the very least you should have all of your cards, gifts, and your guests' coats, purses, umbrellas, and so forth in an area as far from any door as possible.  You might not feel that you have the budget for a service to keep an eye on everything, but we live in the world that we live in and the regret of stolen gifts, cash or gift cards that your guests have purchased with their hard-earned money is something you can't put a price on.  Your guests could be faced with a nightmare of trying to stay ahead of identity theft, closing bank accounts, stopping check which will add to their burden financially and increase their stress level.

People might want to place blame if something like this happens, but the bride and the groom are the hosts and they owe it to their guests to make sure that their guests are taken care of properly.

Wishing you the greatest of days!

Do You Know Your Bride Type?

Let's shed a light on it!

Headlight

1.  Do you feel like a deer in the headlights?  Let's change that to dear in the headlights even though I think deer are very cute and sweet, too.  Maybe you feel blinded by fear or are paralyzed with indecision.  Maybe you have been stopped in your tracks by the bombardment of unwanted advice. Maybe you would just like to say "Beam me up Scotty!"

Spotlight

2.  Do you love all of the attention to be set on you?  You want nothing more than to be a prima donna, belle of the ball and it's all about you!  You are willing to push everyone aside so you can make your grand entrance during the whole planning process as well as the wedding.

Laser Beam

3.  Are you ultra focused and you know exactly what you want and you are afraid to let anyone help you?  Maybe you know exactly what you want and are blinded by the lack of a limitless budget.  You might even be doing some damage being so focused that you refuse to listen to suggestions to guide you away from costly mistakes.

Searchlight

4.  Do you feel like you need to find out who's going to get you?  Do you feel that everyone is going to rip you off?  Are you wondering where you will find the vendors that make you comfortable, match your style and fit your budget.  Maybe it feels like that there is no one out there who "gets" your vision.

Mood light 

5.  Do you want your wedding to ooze with ambience, romance and glistening light and sparkles everywhere?  You can never have enough bling.

Let's shine a light on why all of this matters!

Okay!  Why is all of this important for a wedding planner to know?  We need to know who we should suggest for vendors who get you!  I guess you could say we need to be able to find your "Vendor Type" not just find a vendor in any particular vendor category and not just someone who could do the job. Our goal is to match ideal vendors with ideal clients.  That is exactly why we like to know many vendors and stay from preferred vendor lists.