A Book is Born! "Wedding Planning Unmasked!"

Introducing "Wedding Planning Unmasked!"

The Story of Why I Wrote a Book on Wedding Planning

Why would I do that when there are already zillions of books on wedding planning?

I wrote "Wedding Planning Unmasked!" because I noticed that there was a knowledge gap between couples planning a wedding and them knowing what wedding vendors could or should do for them. People don't plan a wedding every day. Couples might know someone who has planned a wedding, but it's unlikely that they know 16 professional wedding vendors hired for an average wedding. Even if they did, they couldn't just get their keys, open their offices and do their job. It's not their fault, but not much is out there to guide couples for consulting with each type of vendor.

It helps couples to know what kind of services vendors provide, how they can save them money, and what questions you need to ask each vendor. Friends might give advice but it does not come from the point of planning your wedding. Every couple deserves productive and comfortable consultations to make sure they get what they envision or understand why something might not fit their budget. There is something awkward (but perfectly normal) about a consultation that begins with "What's your budget?" and "How much do you charge?" Information is powerful. Coming from a base of knowledge also gains respect from and for everyone involved.

"Wedding Planning Unmasked!" was written from interviewing many wedding vendors from many types of services. They were kept anonymous so that they could reveal the good, the bad and the ugly that they felt was important for couples planning a wedding to know. It was not written with checklists that pretty much leave you on your own, put you into a box, or make you do things you don't even need to do. There are very useful lists of questions in the book and some pretend conversations to help get through wedding planning to eliminate as much stress as possible.

Take a look here at "Wedding Planning Unmasked!" on Amazon.

Here's to unmasked wedding planning! Get ready to explore the art, science, logistics, and psychology of planning a wedding.

P.S. if you read the book, please leave a review or see even more ways that Greatest of Days can help couples plan a wedding. We will do live workshops, webinars, coaching calls and of course, full planning! 

Don't Think You Need a Wedding Rehearsal? Think again!

If You Think You Don't Need a Rehearsal, Think again!

First, here are some definitions for you and terms of reference.  Also, Bride and Groom are interchangeable with the word couple.  

The Processional is the part of the wedding when typically the officiant, the groom, all of the attendants including the ring bearer and flowergirl proceed to the ceremony or altar area followed by the bride with whomever is giving her away.

The Recessional is the part just after the couple is introduced to the "audience" when the couple first leaves the stage/ceremony area/altar followed by the bridal party and family.

Here are some benefits and recommendations regarding rehearsals:

Rehearsal Benefits (processional and recessional)

1.  It helps calm everyone's nerves feeling that they have a good idea of what will happen leading up to, during and immediately after the ceremony on your wedding day.

2.  On your wedding day, the fewer questions you have to answer the better.  You don't want everyone bombarding you on your wedding day.

3.  It will give you an idea of timing your processional to the music.  Even though a DJ often cannot attend a rehearsal due to possibly having multiple weddings on a weekend, you need to discuss options for timing of your processional.  Your DJ might want to preview the venue with you months or weeks in advance of the wedding, if they haven't worked at your venue.  Timing can be effected with  the length of the aisle and the number of people (alone or in pairs)   walking up to the ceremony area.  

4.  It's not uncommon for people in your wedding party to be complete strangers to each other.  They get a chance to at least recognize each other's  faces on the wedding day.

5.  Practicing the recessional is important, too.  As a rule of thumb, I recommend that following the ceremony (after being pronounced to their new status and after they are introduced to everyone) that the newly married couple gets to walk the full length of the aisle before the rest of the bridal party.  This allows every opportunity for them to be photographed at the first moments of them walking down the aisle with their first steps or happy dance as a married couple.  Next to go down the aisle would be the Maid of Honor and Bestman who would walk halfway down the aisle before the next pair of the bridal party begins walking.  

6.  If you have any major announcements, the most important people in your wedding are there.  They can be your ambassadors to spread necessary information to others on your actual wedding day.

Recommendations:

1.  Make sure you are evenly spaced at the ceremony area.  I sometimes start the rehearsal with everyone at the ceremony area first.

2.  To make the pictures look nice, it should be predetermined that the guys have their hands placed in front of them or behind their backs.

3.  Anyone carrying bouquets should place them (in simple terms) at their belly button!  The exception would be if the bridesmaids were cradling a larger single, long-stemmed flower to the inside of their elbow instead of a bouquet.  (in the crook of their arm but still, they should look uniform during the ceremony).

4.  It looks nicer if everyone stands to form a slight arc and not look like little tin soldiers.  If everyone takes a half step sideways towards the "audience" and slightly angles to be looking at the officiant and couple, it looks good but it also is important to be able to see subtle clues from the officiant during the ceremony.  It sometimes helps to line up on the stage or ceremony area so that attendants can have eye contact with their counterparts.  For example, the Best Man and Maid of Honor would be able to have eye contact and the same with everyone else down the two lines.

5.  If for some reason one of your attendants, is unable to attend the rehearsal, make sure that the person that they will be walking with them is introduced to them on the wedding day.  Preferably they are introduced in advance of pictures that are often taken prior to the ceremony.  Whoever was able to be at the rehearsal should fill that person or persons in on what is going to take place during the processional, how everyone is going to be standing during the ceremony and the same with the recessional.

6.  It's not a bad idea to ask people to not treat the night before your big day like it's a bachelor or bachelorette party.  What they drink that evening directly influences the wedding the next day.  Nothing wastes the rehearsal or mars a wedding more than one or more of the wedding party getting drunk.  It's time for everyone to at least pretend to be mature and respectful but still have fun.  

Order of a processional for a traditional modern American ceremony.  It can vary from one religion to another, be customized or adapted depending on the venue layout.  Nothing is written in stone anymore for most weddings, but it's nice to have some guidelines.  Neither the order of seating nor the recessional is shown in the diagram.

Wishing you the greatest of days!

Your Wedding! Are Someone Else's Purse Strings Becoming A Noose?

Money, Money Money!

In today's world of weddings where there is almost no such thing as a simple wedding, money is a major concern to most couples getting married.  I don't see people cutting back very much on the things they really want to have at their wedding, otherwise we would be seeing more weddings where all they had was a wedding cake, punch, coffee, mints and some nuts!  

In a dream world!

Couples will often pay for part or all of their wedding expenses.  However, if someone else is paying for everything, things can likely get very complicated.  If a couple and whomever is paying for their wedding instead of themselves, can have a clear conversation on desires and expectations, everyone will be way ahead of the game and on the road to a wonderful experience.  

When Money Becomes Power!

Now we get into the nasty stuff.  This is what I hear of often in wedding industry circles.  "They're paying for our wedding, but I don't feel like it is really my wedding!"  If you see a bride that seems to have a sadness about her, this could be where it is coming from.  

Usually the problems begin when one or more of the parents are paying for the wedding.  Their vision of a wedding can often be completely different that what today's couples want for their wedding.  This isn't news, but it is repeated generation after generation.  It can lead to one generation after another trying to have their own wedding through their children's weddings.  

The Consequences!

Sometimes it comes in very subtle suggestions.  Other times it comes in the form of an ultimatum.  Nonetheless, each action distances a couple from the wedding they want for one of the most important days of their lives.  

To Your Corners!

This is when each "side" needs to step aside and ask themselves the hard questions. 

The person/persons paying for the wedding needs to ask themselves these questions:

1.  Am I wanting them/they (the couple) to do something that I wish I had done at my wedding?

2.  Am I doing this to impress my friends?

3.  Am I allowing myself to get embarrassed if they do or don't do this or that?

4.  If I think they are making a bad decision, is there a nicer way to communicate that to the couple?

5.  Am I enjoying the control?

6.  Am I resisting the fact that my child is getting married and it is making me well aware of how short life is and how fast time is flying back.

 The couple getting married needs to ask themselves these questions.

1.  Am I expecting them (those paying for the wedding) to pay more than they can afford?

2.  Do you want to do something that is really distasteful in their way of thinking and is it worth doing?

3.  Do I need to find a different way to communicate to them that I really appreciate what they are doing? 

4.  Can I communicate to them that there are some things I've always wanted for my wedding or some things I really don't want in my wedding?  You really don't need to explain why.  You can always say, "It's something I would prefer not to explain".

You might also want to read a blog post that I wrote as a guest blogger at:

http://weddings.gatheringguide.com/ac/wedding-etiquette/too-much-well-meaning-advice-wave-this-wedding-woe-goodbye

As always...

Wishing you the greatest of days!

Greatest of Days
Event/Wedding Planning & Design
Non-Denominational Officiating

To check out our various wedding and event planning options and look for a hidden event planning tip on each page, go to this link.
www.greatestofdays.com

Wedding Day Tour Guide.

Hello to all couples getting married within the next 12 months or so!  Yes in Washington State..we are past the one year mark of same-sex marriages being legal.  Time flies!  I want to bring everyone on board to what we offer for services.  

One product has taken a lot of time to develop and we have it included in our wedding planning packages in our "The Inquiring:  Wedding Day Tour Guide"  When I create the "Tour Guide" for a wedding, I always make copies for all of the people who have a role in the wedding.  That would include the venues, vendors, wedding party and participating family members.  Pretty much anyone who is working the wedding or if you think about who is going to be in the pictures taken that day.  The benefit is not having to herd wedding rabbits nearly as much when it is time for toasts, pictures, lining up for the ceremony and so much more.

Due to not wanting other vendors to see exactly what my timeline looks like unless they participate in a wedding I plan, I can't show you what it looks like but I'll do my best to describe it.  The "Wedding Day Tour Guide" provides information on all activities from 8:00 AM - midnight in 15 minute increments or less from setup time to breakdown.  All of the vendors (including those who might not actually be at the wedding) are listed with all of their contact information.  I refer to it as the "Who are ya goin' to call...?" section.  If there are any troubles at all, with one glance you've got all of the information you need.  Each vendor is given a color and the activities that they are involved are shaded with that particular vendor's color in a particular time slot.  It shows how long a vendor is going to be there and also when there's an important moment for them to be aware of.  A bartender wants to know well ahead of time when the toasts are going to take place.  A family member might want to know when he/she needs to be at a particular location for a picture.  I could go on and on.

You might think that you can do this easily enough, but what you don't know can and most probably will hurt you.  We have had years of experience planning weddings, know what needs to be set up first and when a vendor needs to be there so that the cake won't melt by the time the reception is well enough along to start serving cake.  We see trouble spots as we are preparing a timeline.  We even look at contracts to see that what you are expecting is actually in the contract.  

Basically, with the "Wedding Day Tour Guide" you are as close to having a 'Day-of"Coordinator as possible.  If you were to hire a "Day-of" Coordinator for $500.00 you are probably getting someone who is inexperienced.

Our clients are asked to have all of the planning finalized 30 days prior to their wedding day.  If there are changes within the last 30 days, additional charges will be applied.  Each week the "change fees" will be doubled starting at $25.00 per change.  

Here's something that really surprised me when I did my first independent wedding timeline when I was not the actual planner for the wedding.  Every time I looked up at the clock, I found myself thinking, "Now they're cutting the cake" or "Now they're having their first dance!"  That's how much we really get into knowing your wedding day like the back of our hands!  I didn't expect that, but it made me feel good that we had all of the bases covered.

Since I am not actually there on the wedding day, I do have a disclaimer that even with a "Wedding Day Tour Guide", I cannot guarantee how well the wedding day will go.  Everything needs to be executed and I cannot possibly know if there is going to be a power outage or when an unruly little ring bearer is going to send the wedding cake flying!  It is a wedding and you know how they can be sometimes.  They can take on a life of their own!

As always...

Wishing you the greatest of days!

Contact Greatest of Days

Wedding Planners Cost Too Much!

Let's dispel some myths here since we're getting into the season where everyone seems to have gotten engaged or is getting engaged.


In two hours of time your assignment is to get 3 of each category of photographers, DJ's, cake designers and floral designers whose work you are familiar with, who you really like as a person because they have your style down to a "T".  On your mark, get set...stop!!  I can hear you say, "How in the world am I supposed to do that in two hours?  That's 12 people and how would I know all of that information about them?"  


This is how it happens.  I would say that most wedding coordinators could do just that after they had a 1-hour consultation with you.  They would also have enough information at that point to suggest other vendors and a selection of venues in a very short period of time.  


There's another exercise to do now.  Let's say that you didn't use the above system to plan your wedding and did all of that research whenever you had some extra time during the evenings and weekends and when you could sneak in a few minutes at work.  You realize after you count the hours during the week or month that you have just taken on a part-time job..planning your wedding.  You may have even had to take a day off, that you really wanted to spend on your honeymoon, but instead you spent that day trying to find just the perfect invitations and still didn't find what you liked.  You feel like you see less of your fiance' than ever.


That is the kind of scenario that really makes me sad.  I catch myself hearing a couple's stories who might be half-way through planning their wedding and it makes me cringe.  I can't help it.  I think to myself or out loud, "I sure wish I'd been able to speak with them sooner!  I could have saved them so much time and money."  


I know what you're probably thinking.  How in the world can a Wedding Planner save you money?  Aren't they only for rich people? They act like snobs in the movies!  Not for me.  No way!  


Reality differs from Hollywood once again.  Wedding Planners can pass on to you the discounts that vendors give to them because they have that "know, like and trust" relationship already established.  Sometimes the discounts are 20% and they add up fast in a good direction! 


Another reality strikes again and you find that you saved or almost saved as much in those discounts to pay for your Wedding Planner.  It doesn't stop there. The rest is gravy.  You also know that you have a liaison with vendors, your venue and sometimes even your family and friends if problems come up.  You also know that your Wedding Planner is going to have her eyes on you and your guests on your wedding day to make sure they are comfortable and not working on your wedding day.  This scenario is especially true with a full planning package where everything has been designed from the beginning to fit together like pieces of a puzzle.


Let's see, where would you rather be 6 months from now.  Still trying on shoes for your wedding or walking on a beach in sandals?

Janis Flagg, Owner

Greatest of Days
Event & Wedding
Planning and Design
Wedding Officiating

27111 167th PL SE, STE 105-242
Covington WA   98042
Cell:  206-604-1908
http://www.greatestofdays.com/
http://www.greatestofdaysweddingsandevents.blogspot.com

If you are a wedding vendor, join the South King County Event and Wedding Vendors through http://www.meetup.com/
A very special guest will be speaking on January 27, 2011.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkKIjSu9dbA

If you know someone who is planning a wedding, give
them the gift of information by telling them about
Bridal 4-1-1 Wedding Workshops beginning in March 2011.
Creating Memories to Bring a Smile to Your Face for Years to Come!

http://www.bridal4-1-1workshops.com/

http://www.fostergolflinks.com/sites/courses/view.asp?id=305&page=7050
Trendy Events and Home of Betta Mansions
1903 Market Street,
Tacoma, WA 98042

What do you mean by officiant?

You can go online and anyone can become an officiant if they register through Universal Life Church to fulfill the legal qualifications to become ordained and choose whatever title you prefer from a selection of categories.  Many people do it just to be able to perform wedding ceremonies for friends or family.  You have to promise to honor all beliefs and comply with all state laws.  In Washing State, you have be ordained through some church.  It's about 10-minute process through ULC which has been around since 1959.  We could do any kind of ceremony, but we stick to weddings.

My husband and I have both gone through ULC to be able to officiate for weddings.  I enjoy helping people design their wedding ceremony.  Many people just want a very small wedding, have mixed beliefs in their families, don't want to go through months of counseling through a church so an officiant is a great solution to these situations.  Some people are widowed or divorced and don't want to go through all the pomp and ceremony that come with traditional weddings.  We have performed wedding ceremonies where there were hundreds of people, however.  Some people choose an officiant simply because they want to be able to customize their ceremony more than what they could in a regular church.  We let family members of friends of the bride and groom participate in any of the religious aspects to the wedding.  We choose to remain very neutral.

I won't speak to other states, but there are only two lines (never seen or met anyone who performed this type of ceremony) that are necessary in Washington State to make a couple legally married.   The, Do You?, Do You? (questions to make sure they aren't entering the marriage under duress), and then pronouncing them as husband and wife.  Really, that's all!  We would do those too, if people wanted it that way, but people like to personalize it.  We avoid ceremonies that take on the feel of a theatrical performance rather than a solemn occasion.  Speaking from experience, we were disappointed to get a review on not being theatrical enough.  Sorry, that is not why we do perform wedding ceremonies!  At that same wedding, people said it was a wonderful ceremony.  Go figure!

Some people choose an officiant to make it a legal marriage and then have a more elaborate wedding (sometimes even with an officiant) months or years later when they can afford a bigger wedding, when someone has returned from being overseas, or any number of reasons.

You won't believe this, but when we say that we can officiate, some people really think that we are qualified to officiate at sporting events!!   No!  That's a totally different game!!

You should always check into your own state's laws.

Wishing you the greatest of days!






@http://www.greatestofdays.com
http://www.facebook.com/greatestofdays
206-604-1908