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Sunday, December 20, 2009

We're Entering "Engagement Season!" How to Handle the Onslaught of Opinions or Suggestions for Your Wedding.

Something happens when you begin to make appearances here and there with an engagement ring on your finger.  Eyes get big, people scurry up to you and say things that make you feel like you are on the top of the world.  For a little while anyway.  It’s inevitable that some of those mouths are going to utter things you probably aren’t prepared to deal with.  Here are just a few tips to help you through the tougher moments.  This might be a surprise to you, but your fiance’ might appear that he doesn’t even care!  Take heart, hang on and develop your sense of humor!  

1.  Consider the Source!  Expect that those who always give their two cent's worth, no matter what the situation is, to enter the game from the sidelines thinking that they are entering their "helpful zone!"   No need to fear!  Pretend that they are just putting money in your pocket but what they don't know is that your pocket has a hole in it!  Unless you find that their offering is of high value and you cannot let that good suggestion go, don't mend your pocket!                                                                                    

2.  Pretend You Won the Lottery!  It might seem like people are coming out of the woodwork!  Just remember that they might be reminiscing or dreaming of their own wedding or someone else's wedding rather than really trying to give you advice.  Ears and eyes seem to open when we hear the word wedding.  It seems to be natural for us as women.  Try to recall when you heard that someone was engaged and how you probably had something to say, but didn't really mean anything by it.  Surround yourself as much as possible with people who are looking out for your well-being who will be honest with you and understand and believe in your vision for your wedding.                                                                                                                
3.  Come up with a catch phrase to shift everyone into the neutral gear.  Smile your brightest smile! Tell them nicely that you have been receiving so many wonderful tips from everyone from Topic A to Topic Z, and you feel like it could take 100 years to digest everyone's great ideas and you wish you only had the time!  Maybe they will feel sorry for you and understand your plight a little bit.  All you need is a moment to change the subject and ask what's been happening with them lately.  They will undoubtedly be happy to talk about themselves.                                                                          

4.  Difference between those who want to help and those who really will help!  Beware! Help might actually mean "control".  Most of your friends and family truly want to help or show their support.  The secret is to make them feel appreciated.  Tell them thank you, but you're still just trying to get used to the fact that you're engaged and ask if they don't mind a telephone call at 2:00 AM!  See what reaction you get!  Express the fact that you feel fortunate to have so many people who are willing to be on your team.  If it helps, just think how horrible it would feel if no one cared or seemed excited to hear of your engagement.  That's a topic for another time!  Beware of those who are too subtle or too brazen.    

5.  Your fiance' seems so oblivious to everything!  Well, you might just be right!  There are some things you can do to help.  In general terms, guys don't like details or conflict.  Especially emotional conflict!  If they seem indifferent, it's often that they hate to see you in pain.  If you are marrying your soul mate, you know that he will be the first to defend you when the chips are down.  If he feels that he doesn't know the answer, he'd probably prefer to not hear the question.  Weddings, I can assure you, are not what he has been planning in great detail in his mind since he was three years old!  There is hope and help for you!  Get him involved in the things that you know he is looking forward to the most.  Honeymoon sound like a good place to start?  He will be so proud of himself for putting together the most perfect honeymoon!  Let him choose the most ridiculous form of transportation in which to leave your reception if that's what he likes, unless it's a horse-drawn carriage and you are deathly afraid of horses!  He should know something like that already!  Marriage is all about compromise, commitment and give and take.  Let him pick the tuxes and let him know that the tux shop should be nice and show him this type, that color and style for a particular theme.  He'll want guidelines, just don't call them that!  Make it look like the tux shop is in the place of responsibility to him as a client.  They really are, but if you make your fiance' feel like he is the man of the hour and is the most discerning person for this absolutely number one, crucial and astonishing mission into outer space, his face will be beaming! Make him feel important "now and then", but not overwhelmed.  Let him hire a  professional DJ who is highly-recommended.  Consider yourself lucky, if you can get him to do much more than all of this.  Try one more thing...officiant search!  That's something he'll probably realize the importance of!  Obviously, you should both show up when that appointment is set!!