Bridezillas and Their Replicas! Beware!

Bridezillas and Their Replicas,  Beware!

Yes!  You think weddings are expensive?  Well, Zillas of all types, you have inadvertently or not, contributed to this for two primary reasons.  Wedding vendors are seldom wealthy and have a lot of hidden costs, so putting up with bad behavior just makes whatever profit they have made not worth the trouble.  So they either quit or raise prices.  Supply and demand effects any industry.

Unless you've been around the wedding industry a lot, you would not know how many vendors, who can provide their services to other types of clientele say, "I don't do weddings anymore!"  This can range from planners, florists, photographers, caterers and so forth.  They usually say that there's just too much drama, clients who think that they should get everything for nothing, and engaged couples and their families are getting ruder and sometimes violent when they are just trying to do their job.  I've seen it all myself!  Couples will also come up with the craziest excuses to not pay for services. If they heard that message from their own bosses, they certainly wouldn't appreciate it, but it's okay in many couple's minds to do just that.  People outside of the industry are generally surprised to hear what we put up with in the wedding industry.

Bridezillas, if you think about how you like to be treated at work by customers or co-workers, then imagine how people feel when they are doing their best to make a wedding the best possible.  However, if you have not communicated as your vendors have requested, make frequent changes, fail to relay important information or especially make last minute changes, you are asking for something to go wrong.  It's that way with everything in life.  If a bride tries blaming everyone else,  whether it be friends, family or vendors, that sets the tension to a higher level for the whole day.  If a bride rolls with the punches and is half-way gracious, the atmosphere is completely different. Everyone picks up on that energy whether it be positive or negative.  

What seems to have caused the bride/guest zillas problem?  They show inexcusable bad behavior ranging from words to temper tantrums towards family, friends or anyone who is involved with the wedding.  What has made this behavior seem acceptable in many people's eyes?  

The problem is big enough to come up at industry and networking meetings.  The question that's asked is, "What do we do with all of this bridezilla behavior and even their friends and families?"  The general conclusion is that about all they can do to tolerate it is to raise prices.  

I would attribute the bridezilla or other zilla behavior to several factors, and I know that other vendors share my opinion on this.  

1.  It probably starts with what is taught as acceptable behavior when dealing with people in general from the time they were young.    

2.  Many people of the generation that are getting married now, were in general given whatever they wanted.  Perhaps they have been dreaming of their wedding day for years.  That's nothing new, but more recently it's been with a different mindset of entitlement.  I've heard of brides saying, "But it's my wedding!"  So vendors are supposed to just hand out their services like candy on Halloween?

3.  The media with all the "reality" shows paints a dream wedding that few people can afford, but having been used to getting what they want, they can't accept that the same can't be theirs.  The "reality" shows thrive on drama, but that does nothing to help a real wedding go smoothly where everyone can still be friends at the end of the day.

4.  The media, especially the one that is named after "perfect vision" (in the form of numbers) broadcasts sensationalized shows that paint the industry with a broad brush that does not come close to matching what I've seen of hundreds of vendors.  They spend most of those shows comparing apples to oranges.  If their purpose is to educate the public, they are actually doing a disservice to the public by misrepresenting the industry.  Other shows piggyback off of those shows and perpetuate the myth.

Let's not forget the wonderful clients who we would gladly adopt as family.  The ones who appreciate our efforts and treat us as professionals.  I've had more of them than the bridezilla variety.  Those clients have usually not had the easiest lives and are far from anything like a spoiled brat.  They couldn't be more opposite than that.  Like anything else, it's the few bad apples that can ruin the whole batch.  You might have even heard teachers say that they remember the really nice students and the ones who were just the opposite.  The same principle could apply to weddings.

Wishing you the greatest of days!

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The Truth About Wedding Vendors and Pricing

The first question from couples inquiring about the various aspects to planning their wedding is usually, "How much will it cost?"  Sometimes it is just a question that serves as an ice breaker to get a conversation started.  I would recommend that a couple comes up with something else or they could find themselves placing a vendor in a high-alert, defense mode.  Even a little bit of research about that particular aspect to a wedding will take them a long way.  A couple would be better off to just say, "I have no idea how much anything will cost!"  The most important thing is to develop a comfortable relationship with a vendor so that ideas can flow back and forth between everyone.  Vendors love to suggest ways to save money and accomplish the look and feel of a wedding for less if we think a client could do something a little differently or become aware of a particular product.

The wedding industry is unique in that we are in charge of putting together one of the most personalized days in a person's life.  A cookie cutter approach just won't cut it. Most wedding vendors will have sample packages and a ballpark price, but it really means nothing because no two weddings are alike.  One size does not fit all.  It is inevitable...a conversation needs to be started before there's a discussion on pricing.

At first glance, people (with no help from the media) think that they are being ripped off and that vendors aren't being forthright with them.  It makes no sense that for such a complicated, most detail-filled event, that you would expect a simple answer.  A wedding is a much more complicated event than a birthday party or even some corporate events.  The average wedding employs between 16-20 vendors. Therein lies the real issue!  Weddings feel that they are expensive, but it is usually because a couple is unaware of how many minute details are involved and that each portion costs money!

The wedding industry is like every other business.  We have bills to pay, networking costs, promotional costs as well as equipment and supply costs.  Most independent wedding vendors work at lot more than 8 hour per day and wear many hats.  Yet, even though this should be obvious, there's something about a client and their wedding that comes with a feeling of entitlement simply because it is their wedding.  Guess who get painted as the bad guy?  The vendors.  A good cliche to remember is, "If it was so easy, everyone would be doing it!"

Even after a wedding, some people will begin their Monday morning quarterbacking and start picking apart what they might not think well as planned.  In reality, a couple seldom really knows what is going on behind the scenes on their wedding day even if they aren't intoxicated!  They don't know about the "saves" or "close calls" and that is on purpose.  If anything goes wrong, we want it to appear that nothing went wrong.  It's all about not stressing out a couple on their wedding day.

People in the wedding industry do what they do because they love it.  They are not in it for the glamor because that is almost non-existent compared to the long days, lost weekends, a lot of sweat and very sore feet.

When I come across people who mention that they used to be a wedding planner, 90% of the time they will say they quit because they "got tired of dealing with brides!"  This is sad because it wouldn't have to be this way.  A little bit of education leads to realistic expectations and keeping an open mind lends itself to creative solutions and fabulous conversations.

Wishing you the greatest of days!

P.S.  We would love for you to leave a comment!  What would you like us to answer for you in our upcoming blog posts?  Feel free to contact us!  Serious inquiries and suggestions only, please.  No spam!

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The Media is Walking Down the Wrong Aisle When it Comes to Weddings!

In a perfect world, there comes a point in time after the news media repeatedly paints an industry with a broad brush (with old dried up paint), that one of two things happens.  They either realize it's ineffective and unhelpful or they finally revisit their medium to be able to paint something that ends up as a beautiful or informative piece of work.  I'm talking about the "news" media as in the "reports" from the major networks and those that piggyback on those reports about the wedding industry.  I really don't want to call them reports because they aren't supporting fact!  Their concerns are for creating a story, not stating facts or helping consumers that they are preying upon.  Those consumers happen to be the same people that the wedding industry serves.  The media is doing a great disservice to these consumers.

One major point that the media won't point out, is that when a couple is planning a wedding for hopefully the first and only time, there is going to be a huge revelation that is bigger and it comes before sticker shock.  It's the fact that there are so many more details involved in a wedding than they imagined.  Of course, they wouldn't realize that the typical wedding employs from beginning to end (including after the wedding) a total of 16-20 vendors and sometimes more!  This shock is as big as any shock they'll get but when you add dollars to each of those categories of services, a couple very likely is going to be overwhelmed. However, it needs to be remembered to not blame the messenger.

It's time that the wedding industry was represented in a way that truly would help those seeking their services.  It's not even yesterday's news that the media sensationalizes the cost of weddings without analyzing the costs associated with each wedding vendor's services.  Let's remember that people are not forced to seek vendors for any more services than they want.  Want and need can be different to every couple when they envision their wedding.  Dare I be the one to say that this generation of typical brides and grooms has never been taught the difference between want and need?  They tend to want something as if they were entitled to it whether it fits into their budget or not...after all it is their wedding day!  Shouldn't everyone just want to provide their services below cost so that they can have the type of wedding day they want?  Well, welcome to the real world!  You can't have it both ways.  If you want cheap, you can get cheap, but if you want perfection (which is different for every couple) more attention and/or staffing is necessary.   Yes, for those reporters who can probably afford anything they want, this is the world that we and our clients deal with in reality.  FYI!  Not many wedding vendors are living high off the hog.

It goes against most couples' judgment to hire a Wedding Planner to help them work within their budget and help the couple set their priorities.  I'm talking about professional planners who come closest to knowing the wedding industry like the backs of their hands as much as anyone.  For heaven's sake "Media", don't pretend that you know your stuff when you don't!  Wedding Planners live, eat and breathe weddings and have to know a great deal about ALL of the variants of the many vendor categories.

When the media talks about services for a wedding and reception they don't know the difference between apples from oranges.  We're not talking about a holiday dinner nor a nice dinner out.  There's no comparison in the level of service which is required for a wedding.  Do you have a lengthy consultation with the chef or restaurant owner before you dine at their establishment?  Do you have special linens ordered for a dinner out?  Do you request that the background music be adjusted to only the music that you like.  Do you insist that your table have a centerpiece that only matches your favorite colors?  Do you want a deluxe invitation to inform your guests for your dinner out?  Do you insist on place cards being at everyone's special place at the table?Do you basically want the restaurant to not have any other guests there that you don't know?  Do you ask them to replace the chairs with ones that are more to your liking or ask them to cover them up?  Do you have to have a reservation or not?  Do you have to select from the menu or request everything in the kitchen that day to be just what you want?  Caterers are not operating like a grocery store or a restaurant.  It's neither a la carte style nor is it just ordering what you feel like at that moment from a short order cook.  A caterers worst nightmare is to run out of food, but I'll bet you've heard it more than once at a regular restaurant that they ran out of the special for the day. 

I think instead of the media blasting the wedding industry, they should spend 6 months prior and during the wedding season working alongside a wedding vendor and then find time for marketing and taking care of the financial responsibilities for that vendor to see what keeps them working long after the open signed has been turned around or has been shut off.  And while they're at it, don't make any plans for weekends during the entire summer.  Also don't look puzzled when you ask that particular wedding vendor "Why in the heck do you do this?" and their response is "Because I love it!"

As always...

Wishing you the greatest of Days!

Janis Flagg opened and co-owns Greatest of Days in 2007 when asked by guests at a wedding reception if she planned weddings for a living.  This was after she kept excusing herself from the guests' table to go to the kitchen, speak with the bride and groom or check on the delay of the champagne toasts.  She had done numerous events and weddings for friends and families for over 20 years prior to that day, but a light bulb turned on due to that one question.  Greatest of Days still plans weddings on a case-by-case basis, teaches event planning classes to engaged couples, small businesses and organizations hosting events.  Janis founded and organized a wedding and vendors networking group and also officiates for non-denominational weddings.  Greatest of Days has also expanded to planning Celebration of Life events and finds it most rewarding.  Greatest of Days was one of the first Wedding Planners in Washington State to be interviewed and accepted to be listed as a vendor on the www.EnGaygedweddings.com site.  All submissions have to be approved and can be edited before appearing on this wedding resource for the LGBTQ community.

Next on the list is finishing a book! 

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