Waiting to Officiate a Wedding This Afternoon

Pre-Wedding Ceremony:

I'm still home but my mind is already at the wedding I'm officiating this afternoon.

Unlike the average couple getting married, I'm not nervous as their officiant.  Instead, I find myself in awe of the privilege I have with just the right words, to create a legal bond between two people that is already built on love.  We had the rehearsal yesterday, and I know that today I might not even recognize them because of the hair and makeup on the ladies and with the gents being all dressed up rather than in tank tops and shorts.

I'll finish this after the ceremony and while I still have my day-long smile, I'll have yet another flower girl or adorable ring bearer story to tell.  Until then, I cannot wait to see who I hand out the tissues to.  They are often given to the ones who don't think they'll need them.

Update to come several hours from now!

Post Wedding Ceremony Update!

I predicted correctly that I'd have another flower girl or ring bearer story to tell! In fact there were some firsts for me!  When kids do or don't do their jobs in these roles, it's still cute!  So what were these firsts?  Let's start with the flower girl.  Twice during the ceremony she walked from where the bridesmaids were over to the bride and said, "Just kiss!!"  Who couldn't laugh at that?  I didn't know if the bride was going to be able to compose herself!  

picture from another wedding

Okay, now for the ring bearer. He had a meltdown outside of the building and was face down on the deck drinking milk.  We were a little concerned that he would not want to hang onto a pillow so they tied the rings onto his favorite stuffed toy, Pluto. Someone had to go out to the deck to get Pluto with the rings.  Here's the other first!  The Best Man got to hold Pluto during the wedding ceremony! 

In all these years of officiating weddings, I've only been wrong with one wedding. How's that?  I know that the groom is going to shed the tears first.  Once again, I was right.  I never get tired of seeing tender moments like that.

As always,

Wishing you the greatest of days!

The Media is Walking Down the Wrong Aisle When it Comes to Weddings!

In a perfect world, there comes a point in time after the news media repeatedly paints an industry with a broad brush (with old dried up paint), that one of two things happens.  They either realize it's ineffective and unhelpful or they finally revisit their medium to be able to paint something that ends up as a beautiful or informative piece of work.  I'm talking about the "news" media as in the "reports" from the major networks and those that piggyback on those reports about the wedding industry.  I really don't want to call them reports because they aren't supporting fact!  Their concerns are for creating a story, not stating facts or helping consumers that they are preying upon.  Those consumers happen to be the same people that the wedding industry serves.  The media is doing a great disservice to these consumers.

One major point that the media won't point out, is that when a couple is planning a wedding for hopefully the first and only time, there is going to be a huge revelation that is bigger and it comes before sticker shock.  It's the fact that there are so many more details involved in a wedding than they imagined.  Of course, they wouldn't realize that the typical wedding employs from beginning to end (including after the wedding) a total of 16-20 vendors and sometimes more!  This shock is as big as any shock they'll get but when you add dollars to each of those categories of services, a couple very likely is going to be overwhelmed. However, it needs to be remembered to not blame the messenger.

It's time that the wedding industry was represented in a way that truly would help those seeking their services.  It's not even yesterday's news that the media sensationalizes the cost of weddings without analyzing the costs associated with each wedding vendor's services.  Let's remember that people are not forced to seek vendors for any more services than they want.  Want and need can be different to every couple when they envision their wedding.  Dare I be the one to say that this generation of typical brides and grooms has never been taught the difference between want and need?  They tend to want something as if they were entitled to it whether it fits into their budget or not...after all it is their wedding day!  Shouldn't everyone just want to provide their services below cost so that they can have the type of wedding day they want?  Well, welcome to the real world!  You can't have it both ways.  If you want cheap, you can get cheap, but if you want perfection (which is different for every couple) more attention and/or staffing is necessary.   Yes, for those reporters who can probably afford anything they want, this is the world that we and our clients deal with in reality.  FYI!  Not many wedding vendors are living high off the hog.

It goes against most couples' judgment to hire a Wedding Planner to help them work within their budget and help the couple set their priorities.  I'm talking about professional planners who come closest to knowing the wedding industry like the backs of their hands as much as anyone.  For heaven's sake "Media", don't pretend that you know your stuff when you don't!  Wedding Planners live, eat and breathe weddings and have to know a great deal about ALL of the variants of the many vendor categories.

When the media talks about services for a wedding and reception they don't know the difference between apples from oranges.  We're not talking about a holiday dinner nor a nice dinner out.  There's no comparison in the level of service which is required for a wedding.  Do you have a lengthy consultation with the chef or restaurant owner before you dine at their establishment?  Do you have special linens ordered for a dinner out?  Do you request that the background music be adjusted to only the music that you like.  Do you insist that your table have a centerpiece that only matches your favorite colors?  Do you want a deluxe invitation to inform your guests for your dinner out?  Do you insist on place cards being at everyone's special place at the table?Do you basically want the restaurant to not have any other guests there that you don't know?  Do you ask them to replace the chairs with ones that are more to your liking or ask them to cover them up?  Do you have to have a reservation or not?  Do you have to select from the menu or request everything in the kitchen that day to be just what you want?  Caterers are not operating like a grocery store or a restaurant.  It's neither a la carte style nor is it just ordering what you feel like at that moment from a short order cook.  A caterers worst nightmare is to run out of food, but I'll bet you've heard it more than once at a regular restaurant that they ran out of the special for the day. 

I think instead of the media blasting the wedding industry, they should spend 6 months prior and during the wedding season working alongside a wedding vendor and then find time for marketing and taking care of the financial responsibilities for that vendor to see what keeps them working long after the open signed has been turned around or has been shut off.  And while they're at it, don't make any plans for weekends during the entire summer.  Also don't look puzzled when you ask that particular wedding vendor "Why in the heck do you do this?" and their response is "Because I love it!"

As always...

Wishing you the greatest of Days!

Janis Flagg opened and co-owns Greatest of Days in 2007 when asked by guests at a wedding reception if she planned weddings for a living.  This was after she kept excusing herself from the guests' table to go to the kitchen, speak with the bride and groom or check on the delay of the champagne toasts.  She had done numerous events and weddings for friends and families for over 20 years prior to that day, but a light bulb turned on due to that one question.  Greatest of Days still plans weddings on a case-by-case basis, teaches event planning classes to engaged couples, small businesses and organizations hosting events.  Janis founded and organized a wedding and vendors networking group and also officiates for non-denominational weddings.  Greatest of Days has also expanded to planning Celebration of Life events and finds it most rewarding.  Greatest of Days was one of the first Wedding Planners in Washington State to be interviewed and accepted to be listed as a vendor on the www.EnGaygedweddings.com site.  All submissions have to be approved and can be edited before appearing on this wedding resource for the LGBTQ community.

Next on the list is finishing a book! 

Greatest of Days website

Where you'll find Greatest of Days.

What Every Entrepreneur Could Learn from a Bride

What every entrepreneur could learn from a bride as a client could possibly change your perspective on how to serve any client.

I wish that every entrepreneur no matter what field of work they are in, could experience the camaraderie that we find in the wedding industry.  I honestly thought it would be dog-eat-dog when I started my business! It has been just the opposite! 

Ninety-nine percent of the time I see wedding vendors eager to help each other.  Everyone wants to find the perfect match for their client's personality, style and budget.  Wedding professionals work extremely hard working very long hours all week, and are often away from their families for weekend upon weekend.  Most people don’t know how many hours go into each aspect of helping a client with their wedding.

Here are some things that wedding professionals have to consider and I’m wondering if other entrepreneurs would see a difference in how they serve clients if they had to examine their services in the same light.

Customer's Memory of Their Experience.

Wedding professionals are creating a day that their clients will remember for the rest of their lives..for better or for worse!  

Don't Make Assumptions on What Your Client "Should" Know.

Generally a wedding is something that clients have never planned before nor have they experienced anything that will change their lives so drastically. Many times they have no idea where to start and can’t visualize or begin to express what they want.  You have to help them find their own words.  

You Only Have One Shot!

There are no re-do’s.  That wedding day is the wedding day.  

What Has  Possibly Influenced a Client's Perception about What You Do?

Wedding professionals deal with the whole family, on both sides.  We learn the dynamics of both families and often see what has helped shape our clients into who they are.  It gives us an understanding or a feeling of compassion for our clients and their behavior.

Emotions  Expressed Are Not Always Linked to What a Client is Really Wanting to Express.

Brides, grooms, the wedding party, family, friends all can experience a wide variety of emotions.  It can even be very much like grieving.  Fear of the unknown such as a mother wondering about whether she is “losing” her daughter/son or even a best friend fearing that their friendship will never be the same or might end at some point.  Seldom do the emotions get expressed in the right manner, to the right extent or at the right time.  They are just what they are!  We have to prepare our clients for what might happen.

You Can't Please Everyone All the Time!  Expect Monday Morning Quarterbacks.

There’s a time period that is kind of a let down after so much has been focused on the wedding.  This is when wedding professionals are more likely to be “Yelped” whether it is fair or not.  You could say, “The honeymoon is over!”

Customer Loyalty/Referrals.  How Sweet It Is!

Happily ever after for wedding professionals is when we get to help yet one more client create this once-in-a-lifetime event.  Each wedding is different and it feels like we are gaining another friend.  You really do get emotionally involved and always wonder how they are doing.

Greatest of Days feels that planning a wedding shouldn’t feel like a part time job to a bride who is probably already working hard. A bride and groom might have college bills to pay off, have little vacation time accrued, and certainly don’t have time to research for the best prices, hidden costs, or find the venue or vendor that will be the best match for their personality, style and budget.  Time is money!  Especially if a bride or groom have a business to run and a wedding to plan! That gives overwhelm a new meaning!

After being asked if I planned events for a living, it made sense to try doing what I love to do which is to plan and design events. I'm all about inexpensive creativity to make something look better, add meaning or humor to relax a client.

Brides, Grooms and FIL's Paying for Weddings.

Many brides and grooms are paying for some if not all of their wedding expenses.  I like to think that Greatest of Days is unique in that I offer a free consultation to the bride and groom which is pretty standard, but I also offer a free hour of consultation with the parents particularly if they are paying for a wedding.  There are even occasions where I'll step in when a desperate mother says, "Can you talk to my daughter?" and just as often when a bride says, "I wish you could tell my mother that!"

There's a reason for this, and it is all in the effort to have a stress-free wedding day and the many days before that planning for that big day.  Reality is seldom perfect and planning a wedding can be stressful on more individuals than just the bride and the groom.  Stress can rear its ugly head on an emotional level, a financial level, and a level I'll call, "Where in the heck did that come from?"

I'll show this in various extremes.

Scenario #1.  Imagine Princess just became engaged to be married.  She has a sense of entitlement and always has.  She has either gotten almost everything she has ever wanted or feels that her day has finally come where she can at last have everything under the sun.  If parents are on the same wavelength, then that's fine.  Where the problem comes in, is when the parents simply cannot afford their daughter this luxury.

Scenario #2.  Mom and Dad have all the money in the world and quite often along with it brings control  and power.  Mom always wanted her daughter to have the wedding she never had and now she sees it as her turn to get the wedding she wish she had had.  When a bride or groom states a preference for any particular aspect of the wedding, they just might hear, "As long as I'm paying for it, you'll do no such thing!"

Scenario #3.  "I think you shoulds" which can start sounding like nails on a chalkboard.  All things become new again, but people have ideas that really take the cake sometimes.   I remember both my mother and my husband's mother doing this routine when we were choosing the music for our wedding.  The songs meant nothing to us and when there was a song recommended about sunshine when I knew the wedding was in December in a very rainy climate.  If "Look at the sunshine" had been sung, everybody might have walked out to go look for it!  My Mom thought it would be nice to have a song sung that she liked.  Never mind the fact that I had sung it for countless friends' weddings, even with a former boyfriend!  Not happening!  We ended up rearranging a song that we liked by changing a few of the words and the tempo.

This is where I feel I can make a big difference in how things progress up to and at the wedding.  It's all psychology!  I'll talk to a bride and groom and go through with them what all is involved and how the costs can creep up.  Basically, it's bringing them into the reality of the parents who are paying for the wedding.  Secondly, in the case of the Penny Pusher Power Parent, I can speak with them and find out without them knowing, what it is that they are really dealing with.  Quite often its a bad memory or a vision of how they wanted their own wedding to be like that never happened.

Never forget that a parent can be feeling a big dose of separation anxiety, but would never admit to it.  If a parent has entirely wrapped his or her life around raising children, they could very well feel like they are wandering into unknown territory.  What people don't understand, they fear.  What they fear becomes an unrealistic expectation or misinterpretation.

In one sentence.  Everyone wants their feelings and concerns validated.  I have a heart that's big enough to hear both sides and two shoulders to be cried upon.  If it ends up with everyone smiling a genuine smile on the wedding day, I'm happy!  Worth every minute of listening!

Wishing you the greatest of days!

Greatest of Days
Event and Wedding Planning
www.greatestofdays.com
jan@greatestofays.com
206-604-1908