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Thursday, May 22, 2014

Your Wedding! Are Someone Else's Purse Strings Becoming A Noose?

Money, Money Money!

In today's world of weddings where there is almost no such thing as a simple wedding, money is a major concern to most couples getting married.  I don't see people cutting back very much on the things they really want to have at their wedding, otherwise we would be seeing more weddings where all they had was a wedding cake, punch, coffee, mints and some nuts!  

In a dream world!

Couples will often pay for part or all of their wedding expenses.  However, if someone else is paying for everything, things can likely get very complicated.  If a couple and whomever is paying for their wedding instead of themselves, can have a clear conversation on desires and expectations, everyone will be way ahead of the game and on the road to a wonderful experience.  

When Money Becomes Power!

Now we get into the nasty stuff.  This is what I hear of often in wedding industry circles.  "They're paying for our wedding, but I don't feel like it is really my wedding!"  If you see a bride that seems to have a sadness about her, this could be where it is coming from.  

Usually the problems begin when one or more of the parents are paying for the wedding.  Their vision of a wedding can often be completely different that what today's couples want for their wedding.  This isn't news, but it is repeated generation after generation.  It can lead to one generation after another trying to have their own wedding through their children's weddings.  

The Consequences!

Sometimes it comes in very subtle suggestions.  Other times it comes in the form of an ultimatum.  Nonetheless, each action distances a couple from the wedding they want for one of the most important days of their lives.  

To Your Corners!

This is when each "side" needs to step aside and ask themselves the hard questions. 

The person/persons paying for the wedding needs to ask themselves these questions:

1.  Am I wanting them/they (the couple) to do something that I wish I had done at my wedding?

2.  Am I doing this to impress my friends?

3.  Am I allowing myself to get embarrassed if they do or don't do this or that?

4.  If I think they are making a bad decision, is there a nicer way to communicate that to the couple?

5.  Am I enjoying the control?

6.  Am I resisting the fact that my child is getting married and it is making me well aware of how short life is and how fast time is flying back.

 The couple getting married needs to ask themselves these questions.

1.  Am I expecting them (those paying for the wedding) to pay more than they can afford?

2.  Do you want to do something that is really distasteful in their way of thinking and is it worth doing?

3.  Do I need to find a different way to communicate to them that I really appreciate what they are doing? 

4.  Can I communicate to them that there are some things I've always wanted for my wedding or some things I really don't want in my wedding?  You really don't need to explain why.  You can always say, "It's something I would prefer not to explain".

You might also want to read a blog post that I wrote as a guest blogger at:

As always...

Wishing you the greatest of days!

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